Hi! lonely
Last week I asked you to talk to me about loneliness.
I wanted to know your thoughts – do you worry about loneliness in yourself or others? How do you ask about it or handle it?
Your answers were many, and varied, but a few themes repeated frequently. The one I want to talk with you about today is this: areas of loneliness.
According to many of you, your lives are connected and fulfilling in some ways, but lonely in others. You might have good friends but feel that you’re “partner lonely” especially when you’re with pairs of people and you’re not paired up. You may have a life partner but feel lonely for good friendships outside that relationship. Some people described being lonely for extended family or farflung friends. So I went to the research to see if this kind of loneliness is as common as it seems and if it’s dangerous.
Here’s what I learned:
Yes, feeling lonely in one area of connection – even when other connections are solid – is common. Many people readily identify a part of their lives that feels “less than” or disconnected.
No, it’s not dangerous. Unlike an overall feeling of emotional loneliness, which is characterized by few or no social connections, having an area or two of your life that is disconnected won’t do your physical or mental health the longterm damage that being truly isolated will do.
However! The setting in which you feel disconnected will suffer. So if you feel lonely at work, you’re less likely to thrive there, to meet your goals or your employer’s goals. If you feel disconnected from your family (even if you live together, and we’ll talk about that another time) then your mental health won’t get the boost it could from being around loved ones. If you struggle to find connection at your place of worship or where you go to volunteer, you’re likely to abandon those activities (and the good it could do you).
So here’s my two questions for today:
- Do you have a pursuit that you want to do but you’re not feeling so connected there? What might help?
- Is there a place you ask people to gather – your employees or volunteers or family – that they might be feeling isolated? What might you do?
Hit reply and tell me – and I’ll share the good ideas I hear so we can all grow our connections and our resilience.
All my best,
Dr. G
