Weight Conscious Boy

Tonight, my 7 yo son read a container of milk: “1% fat, mommy. Is that okay? I am trying not to eat anything with fat, to be healthy.” And I died. Now, let me make it clear that he wasn’t parroting this from me. Yes,my partner and I are being very careful with what we eat, only whole proteins and vegetables, no dairy, no gluten, no processed foods, no sugar. It’s been about four weeks now and we feel GREAT. We don’t talk about it overtly, we just cook all the time and add grains and dairy to our son’s dinner but otherwise we all eat the same thing. But enough about us…

How do I deal with my little BOY already articulating things about his diet that could lead to unhealthy behaviors in the future? You hear so
much about little girls and body image, but what about boys? He plays ice hockey and is getting more and more into ballet, and especially in
the second environment I want to instill in him healthy views on food, exercise and body that will grow with him without overreacting to what
could have been just an innocent comment he made.

Allison, in Atlanta, GA

A: Allison, don’t die! You haven’t done anything wrong, and, handled well, this could lead to great conversation with your son.

I hear that you are worried he has internalized already some weight worry. You don’t mention his size so I’m guessing he is not overweight. You and your partner are trying to eat in a healthier way, and that is great.

What should you do when he talks about food content? Answer his questions. Give him facts, as much without good or bad connotations as you can.

It sounds like your bigger concern was when he asked, “Is that OK, Mommy?” You can answer that also. If he is on the thin side, teach him how his body needs fat to grow and build his nerves and brain. If you are worried about his fat content, teach him about the three different kinds of food – fat, protein and carbohydrates – and what our bodies do with each. The USDA just re-created their “food pyramid” (now it is a plate) and have a bunch of kid-friendly information and activities on their website.

If your son showed an interest in dinosaurs, you would encourage his exploration. If – for whatever reason – he has developed an interest in nutrition, nurture that! Teaching him the skills to responsible eating will not give him an eating disorder. In fact, open conversation can help prevent one!

Now, how to avoid eating disorders? Many parents write to me about this concern in the early and middle elementary years, and it is a very important concern. There is no foolproof way. You’re correct to be worried about the environment of the ballet world, just as children in modeling, acting, skating, gymnastics and wrestling have higher incidences of bulimia and anorexia, some at startlingly young ages. But just as kids in these environments may develop critical views of their own bodies, any child may as well.

Parents can’t and shouldn’t be blamed for their children’s disordered body images. That doesn’t mean we can’t be vigilant and responsive to this issue. Research shows that parental vigilance does make a difference. So here are some practical suggestions.

1. Keep your own body image words as neutral as you can. When talking about him, yourself or anyone else, don’t pretend overweight doesn’t exist (then kids will see right through us), but talk about being more fit, exercising more, increasing stamina, playing longer instead of losing weight. And try to avoid body talk about anyone when you can.

2. Talk about what you are eating, not what you aren’t. This helps kids focus on the importance of deciding which foods to eat. Also it helps kids learn about health without focus on avoidance. Any sentence that starts with “I’m NOT eating…” leads to the idea that healthy eating is less eating.

3. Follow the suggestions I lay out here, in my answer to a mom worried about her overweight 7 yo. Even if your child isn’t overweight, these are evidence-based guidelines that will help you prevent overweight and obesity issues in the future.

Allison, I think your instincts are right on target. You want to separate the adult experience of weight and diet from your son’s body image. If you are really worried about his body image, you can ask. “Do you think you are too thin, too fat, or just about right?” His answer will give you great information about what he believes. If his self-image and reality are not in sync, talk to him about it, and talk to his doctor about it too. When you ask such a question you let him know that he can talk to you about anything, and you understand better how to guide him.