Curiosity Ask Dr. G
Written by Doctor G

Lead with curiosity, not command

Hi! curiosity

It’s easy to tell people what to do. It’s quick and to the point and feels great. Telling people what they should do or need to do has been my go-to reflex for decades!

Problems sure do arise, though. Like they don’t want to do it. And it’s insulting to be told what to do as if you’re a child. And even if it is your child it usually doesn’t work.  Also I’m often wrong about what they “should” do.

I’ve worked hard to ignore my instinct to just command people’s actions or behaviors – even the young people I’m raising, even my patients who arguably come to me specifically for this kind of advice. I bet you’re pretty clear about why this isn’t a great choice most of the time – even when you’re right about what would be the best solution.  

If you also have this instinct – to answer every problem or discomfort with a “suggestion” like “You should…” would you be willing to try something different?

Get curious out loud. Here’s what this looks like:

  • Your staff member is ranting about how frustrating a vendor is and (instead of telling them how to handle it) you ask, “What’s the reason for their friction do you think?”
  • Your customer is yelling at your team member and you ask “Could you tell me just two sentences about the problem?”
  • The assignments you left for your employees to do were done very poorly and not finished and you ask “What were the obstacles to completing this?”
  • Your child comes down for a family event at a nice restaurant dressed in ripped jeans and uncombed hair and you ask “Can you tell me about how you want to look tonight?” 
  • Your teen reacts very badly to being reminded to take out the trash after dinner and you ask “What am I missing about your point of view?”

This can feel clunky but the neuroscience is clear – when we approach someone with curiosity we don’t escalate conflict – we actually improve outcomes and build relationships.

Will you try it?? Comment and tell me!

All my best,

Dr. G

From Stress to Resilience In Five Minutes? YES!

Get the Dr. G’s Stress to Resilience kickstart guide and in five minutes discover how to transform stress into resilience. Weather it’s your business, your kids, or you, do stress better!


How Can I Help?

A Little Bit About Dr. G

A widely recognized media personality, Dr. G is your go-to expert on resilience. Countless broadcast outlets rely on her contagious humor and illuminating stories to tackle tough topics. She is regularly seen on TV, as well as interviewed for print and digital outlets. Here, she’s answering your questions. Search for the answers you need, or ask her your question now!
Scroll to Top

A Newsletter All About Resilience

Sign up below to join Dr. G’s newsletter and discover how to ‘Do Stress Better’ and tap into the resilience that already exists inside of you.

Ask Dr. G Your Question

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Book Dr. G

Let Dr. G know you’re interested in having her speak. If you’d like to send her a message click here.

  • MM slash DD slash YYYY
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

After pressing submit your forms will be sent to Dr. G and her team. You can expect a response within 1 business day.

Media Inquiry Form

  • MM slash DD slash YYYY
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Insights to Transform Your Stress Into Your Resilience​

Please let us know where to send the Stress to Resilience guide and we’ll send it quick!