Today, I am back and answering questions from my inbox. This one comes from a concerned grandparent who is watching a troubling situation unfold.
Dear Dr. G.,
What do I do for my grandchildren whose father tells them that they have ruined his life and his parents tell them that their mommy is having relations with a lot of men? Mom and dad are divorcing. I live in another state but just spent a month with them so I do know he has said this and many other nasty comments. What do I do?
-Renee
Renee,
First of all please let me say I’m so sorry. Watching children you love be hurt is incredibly difficult – they don’t deserve this treatment at all.
The answer to your question is simple – you can love them. These kids have voices in their lives telling them that they are worthless. You can be the voice that tells them how important they are to you, how much they matter, how much you love them.
See them as much as you can. Use technology to be present in their lives whenever possible. See if they can use Skype or Facetime or another video communication app to take you to school functions, games, wherever they have something great to show off. Show up, even virtually, any time you can.
Listen. Ask how they’re feeling. Listen to the answer. Don’t try to tell them what is wrong with their parents or grandparents, just keep letting them know that you can hear their emotions, and that you care.
Don’t try to fix it. If they want solutions, help them reach out to a safe adult nearby, like a school counselor. Your grandchildren know, or are learning, that some things can’t be fixed. But they can be survived.
The best advantage of being a grandparent is having life experience. You know that your grandkids will grow to be adults who can control who spends time with them and how they allow others to treat them in relationships. From now until then you can teach them how it feels to be treated well, and why they should insist on it.
If you have been in a difficult situation like this, how did you handle it? What tips can you give to Renee?
Do you have any important parenting related questions? Type your question into the box on AskDoctorG.com. Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, Facebook and subscribe to my YouTube channel where I address parenting challenges from teen dating to manners.
