Hi!
Have you seen the movie “Evan Almighty?” It’s a modern day version of Noah and the Ark with a pretty great cast, including Morgan Freeman in the (possibly autobiographical cameo) role of God. In what may be my favorite movie scene ever, Morgan Freeman says to a woman (playing Noah’s wife), “Tell me. When someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or the opportunity to be patient? If they prayed for courage do you think God gives them courage or does he give them opportunities to be courageous?”
This short scene informs my approach to how I’ve raised my kids. I want them to make good choices, so I try to get out of their way and give them the opportunity to make their own choices. I want them to be brave, loving, resilient and family-focused. So I encourage them to adventure, create relationships, get uncomfortable and connect to nearby and far-flung relatives.
But this scene has a lot to teach me about my own path as well. Not to put too fine a point on it, I’m not someone most people would describe as taking a back seat or fading into the crowd or, you know, patient in any meaningful way. I tend to believe that the more informed I am, the more involved I am, the more in control I am, the better things will turn out for me and everyone I know.
Can you see how the parenting I mean to do and the worldview I so firmly hold don’t always mesh beautifully?
Especially as my kids become adults – and as my business grows to be more than just me – I need to learn more about letting go, stepping back, watching and waiting. As a matter of fact, “watchful waiting” is something doctors do a lot when symptoms have presented themselves but may resolve without intervention. We’re so bad at not intervening that we named not doing anything as “watchful waiting” so that we can name it as a plan. For an isolated abnormal lab value or a vague, new pain I am excellent at this plan. For my own life, though, not so much.
And so I notice that this month the universe has given me opportunities to step back. I mentioned last week being the least informed, experienced and qualified person in the room and the opportunity that was to keep my mouth shut. This week my son had surgery and (despite the number of friends and relatives who thought it would be funny to suggest that I step into the OR and assist) my job was to wait. Now that he’s recovering, my job is to watch, listen, help when needed but let him guide the hour, day and weeks. He – we – have months ahead of him in this and I’m starting to recognize this for the opportunity it is. I’m grateful and growling at the same time.
What opportunities are you finding in this season? What are you getting the chance to learn? Comment and tell me!
All my best,
Dr. G
