You are an incredibly insightful group of humans. Many of you were generous enough to respond to my question last week: What makes the difference for you between a bad day and a difficult day?
In aggregate, I learned a few things from your responses.
One is that you’re a pretty resilience group! That makes sense – you subscribe to a weekly email about resilience, it tracks from there that you’re likely to focus on resilience in your own life.
Two, your insights all focused on what you’ve learned or lessons you have for others – that’s another lens on the generosity I mentioned, and I’m grateful to spend this time with you each week.
The last is about the difference itself. My summary of your perspectives is this: “Difficult” tips over to “bad” based on the impact on your life. Several people described difficult turning to bad when it makes them feel undermined, insecure, fundamentally less than in some way. Others said it depended on the volume of “difficult” – that it can pile up enough to become bad. And still others focused on their own ability to fix or change the situation – if the impact is so profound that you can’t change it, you just have to survive it, that is bad.
Almost everyone gave examples, and most people measured “bad” against the worst things they’ve experienced or could imagine. Which has me wondering… do we each have a “set point” for struggle? This is certainly observable in children – some kids bang their toe or lose their balloon and are devastated, inconsolable for a time. Others shrug and go play. And most are in between.
So my next question is this: what has created your “set point” for challenge? A set point in science is the measurement at which a system works to maintain below, at or above for a certain safety. In this case, I’m curious about our individual set points for difficulty. Below that “number” it’s difficult, above that, it’s bad. What do you feel influences your own set point?
Thanks for replying for anyone with the time to share your insights and I’ll be working on moving this conversation to strategies we can all use for ourselves and the people in our lives.
All my best,
Dr. G
