Last week I said this:
Going through hard things CAN make you stronger and more resilient. For most people that transformation takes a little intentionality because three steps are required:
- Feel your feelings about the hard thing.
- Figure out your goal about the hard thing and take steps towards that goal.
- Recover.
I asked you what you’ve been through recently that could build your resilience. Your answers ranged from job loss to arguments with loved ones to relocation to cancer to new babies. One person told me about a stubbed toe and another about a lost set of car keys.
And everyone is correct!
Your feelings about whatever the thing was – or is – are valid and necessary. Each person has a goal about that thing. But I got a lot of great questions about the “recover” step. I’m glad, because that’s what I want to focus on now.
Recovery as a way to build resilience is the step most people skip. Recovery does not require you to stay still and avoid all change. There are at least three paths to recovery from a change that will strengthen your resilience:
- Notice a positive from the experience: Whatever the change you’re navigating, can you find something useful that came from it?
- Tell your resilience story: Can you talk about what happened from the point of view of strength, of aiming towards a goal (even if you didn’t reach it yet), of growth?
- Give yourself a break of some kind: What do you have the time and opportunity to do that strengthens you?
Even if you’re in the middle of a really busy season, with many changes still headed your way, any of these recovery strategies will decrease your feelings of overwhelm and helplessness, putting you in the center of your own life.
If you have time to tell me a story of a change you’ve navigated, I’d love to hear it!
All my best,
Dr. G
Any of these will help you be more resilient – rather than less – from this event.
