Hi!
“Aren’t you going to do something?” the mom of this two month old baby asked. Her daughter was covered in an alarming looking rash, red bumps had been popping up, disappearing only to reappear on some other part of her tiny body for days. Maybe weeks. The most likely diagnosis in the case of this common newborn presentation (no other symptoms, eating and sleeping and voiding well, energetic even smiling) is a horrible sounding “erythema toxicum.” For which the treatment is watchful waiting. And all we’re watching for are new symptoms or something that would indicate it’s not the totally benign e-tox. The problem is – and I’ve been this sleep deprived mom of a newborn who looked like the tragic victim of some terrifying eruption – doing “nothing” is a real challenge.
Last week I wrote to you about my challenges this month with waiting. I mentioned this medical phrase, “watchful waiting,” and dozens of you reached back about this concept. One close reader of my work asked an amazing question:
“Why is watchful waiting so stressful when you’ve said over and over that it’s change our brains struggle to handle?”
Yes! Right! What’s that about??
Here’s the quick answer: Our brains don’t like change and so we are inclined to make the change stop. In the case of this mom, she’s understandably panicky (and not to mention exhausted) every time she sees this rash evolving on her baby. Her brain doesn’t like the change from clear skin or how it thinks the baby should look and wants steps taken to make it go back to “normal.” The quotes are because e-tox is normal, with studies of full term newborns estimating as high as 72% prevalence.
Anyway, there are situations – mostly upsetting, surprising situations – in which our brain demands action and resists observing. The higher your emotions are about the situation, the more likely you are to want to do something to “fix” it.
Watchful waiting is action. It’s not ignoring the situation, it’s a plan to observe it, with parameters for action.
Over to you. What situation is making you itchy for action right now? Is an action the most useful way to get to your goal (be resilient)? Or would deciding to observe – and deciding what might happen that would spur you to action – be the most resilient way of facing it? Hit reply, I’d love to hear.
All my best,
Dr. G
