Are you going through something hard these days? Maybe you’ve had the thought “I just need to get through __________ and things will get back to normal.” That’s a common and totally understandable reaction. Our brains see all change as a disruption and seek the status quo, meaning we seek what we knew as normal before the change.
When I work with young people I often ask them the definition of resilience and the most common answer is “the ability to bounce back.” This is 100% true… if you’re a rubber band. Actually, it’s only about 97% true even if you’re a rubber band. And you’re not. You’re a person. We don’t, actually, bounce back at all.
We are changed be every change we experience.
Further, we all know that life is a never-ending series of changes. And still we insist on believing that each change is the aberration, the short period of time that we need to grit our teeth, hold our breath, hang on just for a little bit until this discomfort or pain stops.
That belief is understandable but it’s wrong and our usual reactions don’t serve us. Take some deep breaths during each change rather than holding your breath.
Change ebbs and flows, we know that too. And (as we’ve talked about together before) we are more resilient when we stop being surprised. We need to learn to stopbeing surprised that there will be more change after (and during) whatever we’re going through now. That we will be changed by the changes we’re experiencing.
The normal we’re always thinking we’ll get back to when this ends? It’s in front of us, not behind, and it’s different than we remember.
Are you in the midst of something hard? Take a minute to remember that you can feel normal in the midst of change.
All my best,
Dr. G
