Hi!
Somebody in your life is not doing what they’re supposed to do.
You might be frustrated with an employee who won’t take responsibility for their mistakes.
You might be hoping a client will sign the contract.
You might be expecting your business partner to get the paperwork done that has been on their desk for weeks.
You might be waiting for your roommate, partner or spouse to start following through on their promises to help more around the house.
You might be pushing for your parent to take better care of themselves.
You might be nagging your child to find an activity they want to pursue.
Someone is making more stress for you than you wanted, and it’s totally avoidable!
You think you should be able to control other people’s behavior. Men are taught that they ought to be able to use anger or power or dominance to control others’ behavior. Women are taught that they are responsible for their people’s behavior and that if they nurture, predict, prepare, (or failing all that, manipulate) enough then other people will behave “right.”
It’s pretty much all lies. You can’t control someone else’s behavior (although with your kids, there is one thing you CAN do).
You know what you can control? Yourself. Your words. Your actions. Your attitude, your behavior and your purpose. Those are all yours.
When someone in your life isn’t doing what they’re supposed to do… stop trying to control them. It won’t work – even if you wish and pray and hope that it will. Even if it would definitely be the best, safest, healthiest for them if they changed. You can’t make another adult follow medical advice, be more loving, pay a bill or even wash a dish.
If, like an audience member at the seminar I just gave, you are waiting for a person in your life to see the error of their ways and start acting right, you can wait. You have control over your own waiting. But you can’t make them do it – and you have to stop thinking you can. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking if you just figure out the right thing to say, you can get them to do the right thing.
You can set some boundaries. You can decide how much you’ll listen, help, support, suffer, pay for when things go wrong. You can decide how long you’ll wait for them to make the change. And what you’ll do when that waiting time is done. You deserve that.
Agree? Disagree? Comment and tell me.
All my best,
Dr. G
