Wherever you live in the world, chances are you are seeing images of real devastation in your news feed. If you are living in one of those areas I pray for your safety and good recovery. For everyone watching, you have some decisions to make – and I bet they are weighing heavily.
Upon seeing tragedy, compassionate people think “What should I do? What can I do?” Those are admirable questions and that drive to reach out strengthens you and helps others. But often, on the heals of those thoughts come doubts and fears. “What could I possibly do that would matter? Where should I put my resources when there are so many in need? If I give too much won’t I put my own life and loved ones in jeopardy?”
Both sets of questions are important and useful. The tension between them can drain your resilience, leaving you frozen, avoidant or frustrated. So what is the resilient answer?
Of the eight resilience skills, this one primarily calls for setting boundaries. As we’ve talked about before, setting boundaries isn’t about saying no. Setting boundaries is the skill of matching your actions to your actual priorities. In the case of trying to create a positive social impact – whether that’s by donating money or stuff or time or space in your home or airline miles or whatever – you are best served by putting this admirable priority into the mix with your other priorities.
Other people’s fires should be a priority for us. As human beings we are tied together. When we see suffering, the part of our brain that processes our own pain is stimulated. We count on each other for safety and comfort. Rather than perseverating on what we can’t accomplish or who we can’t help, do some small thing that doesn’t put you or your own people in jeopardy. See how it goes. Maybe do another small thing. In this way we can make a real difference and stay a connected, resilient part of our whole world.
If you know of a need, please let me know. And if you want to tell me about a way you filled a need, I’d love to hear!
All my best,
Dr. G