I write a lot of proposals, pitches and “hey I have a great idea and you should pay me for it” emails. And the only reason I get a yes to any of them is that I have an amazing person on my team who edits those. My grammar is decent, my spelling is fine, my ideas are solid. But sweet baby Moses do I use too many words.
Hi, my name is Debi and I’m an over-explainer.
Are you?
Do you find in certain situations that you want to write a whole history in an email or need someone you’re asking for something to listen to your whole TED talk before they say anything? It’s probably because you’re addressing a situation that feels (or actually is) out of your control. This desire to keep talking and describing and clarifying and justifying is a manifestation of stress.
We hope, in those moments, that saying more words will give us more control over the outcome. But after the salient points and the ask, it’s really mostly noise.
More words does not equal more control.
So the next time you find yourself overexplaining, try this:
- Ask yourself what you’re trying to control
- Figure out what part of that is actually in your control
- Focus on that while you wait to hear what the other person will say or do
Because that IS more control and that will make your brain feel safer.
I’ll stop there. Over to you – what do you find yourself wanting to overexplain lately?
All my best,
Dr. G
