Hi!
I had the opportunity to spend last week with 32 moms and daughters and they taught me something really important about friendship.
In English we say “make friends.” It’s an excellent reminder that creating a friendship requires intention and effort.
As adults (and teens) we often stumble on so many obstacles in meeting new potential friends. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense logically. Logically, it should be easier to makefriends as adults. After all, as adults we can set up our own playdates, don’t have to ask for aride, and can even spend money if we choose! So it should be easy but…
We trip on our own insecurities.
We wonder – is this the right person to make friends with right now? Will they really likeme or do I have to hide some of my beliefs, opinions, preferences, values? Do I have time or attention to be a good friend to them? Will I like the people they like, will those people likeme?
Back to the women I met last week. They came into a setting with their daughter but no one else they knew. Wondering about their own friend possibilities and their daughters’. And they solved all those insecurities with one choice:
Authenticity.
This is what little kids have that we tend to lose as we grow up. Young children bring their whole, honest selves to every encounter and that unbridled authenticity allows them to makefriends fast and deep.
Each woman I met decided to be her true self as a woman and a mom. To be vulnerable and honest in conversation. To be earnest and sincere in her connections.
And they were shocked – as I was – by the speed and depth of their bonding. In just a few short days these adults created friendship they now want to keep for years. And those connections build their resilience. They’ll be better able to navigate all the changes of raising their preteen daughters, handling their adult relationships, helping their own parents because of these new and true friendships they’ve made. All those insecurities are overcome if we can find the courage to be authentic. When you bring your true self to a potential friendship, you’ll know that you – who you really are – connect with that person and that no conforming will be needed. If you authentically choose the people that feel like a good fit to you, you’ll have the bandwidth for them because they will strengthen you when you’re together.
To build our resilience, we need to keep building connections. When’s the last time you made a new friend? Comment, I’d love to hear!
All my best,
Dr. G
