Hi! decide
The best thing, in my opinion, about being an adult is choice. And it’s choice that makes us more resilient.
This week I’m thinking about that choice in terms of high – and often frustrated – expectations people have around family and holiday celebrations.
There is no question that gatherings with people we’ve known a long time, with people whom we’re connected to by shared history or blood ties or just by invitation sometimes feel risky. And those opportunities can be warm, even beautiful. And also stressful. Every one of those interactions feels more important to our brains because this is – or is supposed to be – our place of safety and belonging. When anything changes in those interactions, or fails to meet our hopes and expectations, we can feel like the world is a harder place.
So where does choice come in? You have any number of choices about how you handle these gatherings and expectations. Let’s focus on two things you can choose:
- You can pick from this list to get some control over your experience: When you see them, where you are for those interactions, who you interact with, what you do with them, how you behave when you’re with them. I doubt you can control all these things without causing major drama, but is there one or are there a few you can gain some say over?
- The words you say to yourself about your expectations and your role. The story you tell yourself has a great deal of power over your own brain chemistry. You might need to remind yourself that you’re not responsible for other people’s emotions. Or that their opinions of you are none of your business. Or that you know why you’re spending time with these people, and their behavior isn’t a part of that.
However you approach this time, remember that you are in charge of you. You get to choose the attitude you bring (and keep), the words and behaviors you use, the goal you are aiming for during that time.
You get to find your own happy in your holiday, and I wish you much joy!
All my best,
Dr G decide
