For those of you in the US, happy Thanksgiving!
This is a time that a lot of groups will choose to “go around the table” saying something for which they’re thankful. And this is a practice that a lot of people loathe. “It’s performative.” “I can’t think of anything.” “Everyone just says the same stuff.” And those are just some of the complaints I’ve heard at my own table!
Look, I know that a lot of people don’t like to be put on the spot in front of group. I mean I don’t understand it at the personal level – after all, being put on the spot in front of a group is literally how I make my living and is one of my favorite experiences ever – but I do know it’s not most people’s cup of tea,
I also know that gratitude is fundamentally valuable. I can point to (and have) the reams of research showing the physical, immunologic, psychologic benefits. But today, as you may be gathering with others and considering forcing some gratitude from yourself and those around you, I want to make a different argument in defense of this practice.
It’s not even my argument. I’m just sharing it with you.
Eli Sharabi is a man who was held hostage for 491 days in Gaza. Upon his return he learned that his wife and two daughters were killed on October 7th. And he chose to speak, travel and write about his experiences, to tirelessly campaign for the release of the hostages that remained, barely alive, in tunnels. In these interviews he speaks about how he kept himself and 3 fellow captives half his age alive through excruciating distress.
“Gratitude.” He explains that he forced these young men to, every night, find and name something for which they were grateful that day. They argued with him, cursed the idea, but he insisted. And so begrudgingly they each found one thing to point to about which they could feel even a drop of gratitude. And after a couple of weeks of this nightly recitation, they found that they had three things for the day. Or five. Or six. They spent their time looking for things to say later, to feel grateful for in between the humiliation and the pain. And that shift kept them alive. That shift kept them human.
It’s ok to insist on such a practice. You may be doing yourself and your people more good than you can imagine.
I’m boundlessly grateful for so many things, and top of mind right now is the ability to see the world in new ways through the experience and wisdom of others.
Do you insist on gratitude?
All my best,
Dr. G
