Hi!
Canceling people is a controversial topic! I heard from so many of you this week after I wrote about the weakness I see in canceling. Thank you!!
The power of words never ceases to impress me. One thoughtful community member was surprised and unhappy that I would lead with an insult (if you missed it, I started by claiming “Canceling people is a sign of weakness”). And in this I will tell you that I mean “weakness” as a clinical term, a lack of strength. I, for example, have a weakness in one of my stomach muscles that led to a hernia. But I took his point, I was calling out people who focus on canceling. We’ll get back to this.
Secondly, I heard from folks who were angry – how could I suggest that we keep communicating with people no matter what they’ve done to us? Right – no. I did not mean that! I was not specific enough with my words, I am talking only about people we don’t know. If someone you know personally has repeatedly behaved in a way that is unacceptable, or crossed a red line of yours, put up good, healthy, strong boundaries and keep them up unless you’re truly convinced it would be safe for you to remove them.
Now let’s talk about canceling people we don’t and won’t know in person.
I’m not arguing that you need to attend events where this person will be, or read their work, engage with their creations or buy their stuff. You should behave in ways that align with your beliefs. I’m saying that you don’t do yourself or the world any good when you try to control whether OTHER people can listen, engage, etc and form their own opinions.
My argument is this: When we spend our energy trying to erase someone from the internet (it’s usually the internet but sometimes it’s a college campus or public space) or other arena so that fewer people hear their terrible ideas, why is that bad? We allow our own strength and fortitude – our ability to stand up to bad ideas or even bad people – to wither. We talk only to other people who agree with us about the thing we all dislike and don’t improve our ability to express opposition or try to move someone from a damaging position. That person doesn’t have to be our concern, but the spread of bad ideas IS our concern as a society.
To strengthen ourselves and our society we can do either or both of these things:
- Speak up and offer a counter argument. A counter argument requires us to really listen to the bad idea and explain why we’ve got a better view.
- Get our focus off the person and focus on the community or person harmed – how can we help? What positive thing do those people want to make their world better? Ask, don’t assume you know.
A reader who has thought about this a lot asked about the opposite – what about people who say intentionally provocative or harmful things and then cry “Cancel culture” to preserve their power and celebrity?
I hear this, and my answer is the same: that person can rant all they like. We can ignore or counter, but putting our energy as individuals towards canceling puts our own resilience at risk. Not to mention the accidental damage this causes in stifling peoples’ ideas for fear of being canceled themselves. Ask me how I know. 😊
Thank you, sincerely, for responding. I learn from each of you who does.
All my best,
Dr. G
