Hi!
We’re afraid of discomfort, most of us. Which makes sense – it’s very uncomfortable! Seriously, our brains are wired to shy away from that which makes us hurt, afraid, cold, sick, angry. In our youngest years, this safety mechanism keeps us out of the thorns, stops us from wandering around in the night, protects us from the elements, cautions us not to eat things we don’t recognize or be around people that are unfamiliar. All that keeps children alive. I’m a big fan of keeping children alive.
As we grow, though, we need to mature in our opinions about discomfort. I’ve written to you hundreds (maybe thousands) of words about the value of discomfort. Today I’d like you to think about the flipside.
What’s the harm in clinging to comfort?
Well, we’ve talked some about the harm it is to our teams and our kids and our partners when we can’t risk, can’t let go. We model – and even idolize – safety over improvement.
We’ve talked about how hard it is to reach a goal if comfort is our top priority.
Today I want to think with you about the harm to society of this comfort-is-king mindset. I don’t want to direct you to the dangers of screens or a sedentary lifestyle. The danger I’m pointing out is that of limited thought.
Have you heard of Cancel Culture?
According to the Pew Research Center, “Cancel culture is a movement to remove celebrity status or esteem from a person, place, or thing based on offensive behavior or transgression.”
Some people see this as public justice. I’ve seen people get “cancelled” who I personally believe have behaved abominably or who hold beliefs I find to be deeply offensive. Nevertheless, I offer this argument:
Cancelling people demonstrates weakness and fear of those doing the cancelling. It both demonstrates their lack of resilience and undermines their ability to build more.
The desire to disengage when we don’t like how something or someone makes us feel is understandable. But the insistence that our comfort is paramount, more important than working to understand or fight against someone else is too much to ask, that I fear is dangerous for our society.
Disagreeing – even vehemently with someone – and responding to them requires resilience. We have to listen in order to understand their side enough to explain the problem as we see it. We have to engage in conversation or argument with others. None of that is easy. Cancelling, on the other hand, is the adult equivalent of sticking fingers in ears and saying “Nonononono!”
Have you seen someone get this type of treatment? I’m interested to hear, if you’d like to share your thoughts on it.
All my best,
Dr. G
